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We’ve been able to train the
dogs to stay out of the office by consistently running them out. We’ve
also been fairly successful at keeping them off the furniture and don’t
feed them table scraps. I’ve recently learned this all goes out the door
minutes after I’ve gone out the door.
When I’m away on business trips, the dogs smoke cigars in the house and
drink orange juice directly from the carton. I know this and so does
Andie. Andie knows this because she's the one serving beer, cigars, and
granting all kinds of special doggy privileges. My side of the bed
hasn’t cooled off and the dogs are right there next to her. “Live it up
while you can kids,” she’ll say, as she props another pillow under
Bogart’s head.
These are big 70 pound dogs and when spread thinly, can take up the
entire bed. Sydney was nicknamed “Sydzilla the Spotted Hog” by a
houseguest of ours. She’s earned this nickname because she navigates
around the house and yard by knocking into things. She’s also found that
aside from the walls and a few doors, she can push almost any object out
of the way by leaning on until it falls over or otherwise gets up and
goes to another room. This can include furniture, people, the cat, and
much of the landscaping in the yard.
Perhaps there should be some kind of pest control spray. Kind of a
“Doggy-B-Gone” in the new ozone-friendly aerosol can or a
“GitOuttaHereAndDon’tDoThatOnTheOnlyRugInATileHouse Wiz” much like spray
cheese. You’ve seen this sort of thing on T.V. commercials. Take
bathroom sprays as an example. The scene begins with some foul event
occurring - perhaps uncle Emery has just nestled down in grandma’s
bathroom with the newspaper and a cigar. Maybe the shaggy loveable
family dog is…well… just there. Notice the dog doesn’t have to do
anything, it just simply has to be there. Anyway, we obviously have a
bad smelling situation. Suddenly, the scene quickly cuts to an
attractive woman spraying a white cloud out of a can in a meadow of
flowers. The sun is shining, there are butterflies and most importantly,
there are no dogs.
I guess I’m not coming to any conclusions other than “they have no
business living amongst us.” It just felt good to say it. Now, if you’ll
excuse me, I have to go feed the dogs.
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